1. conversations and honesty cannot fix everything
2. scallops are delicious
3. don't get caught in the middle. don't chose sides.
4. things fall
5. you don't need a tragedy to have your priorities straight
6. your gut feeling > rationality
7. my father is not super man
8. being empathetic is my best and worst quality
9. webinars are fucking stupid
10. solitude is underrated
11. when all else fails..laugh
12. it is imperative, that you are happy for others moving on. even if it's without you
Friday, August 23, 2013
Wednesday, May 29, 2013
i know i'm your stepping stone
I am your right now. I am your armrest and your always. your batting glove and punching bag. I am your hangnail. I am your list maker. your cherry blossom. your secret. and i am all of these things temporarily. and i am ok with that because i know i'm your stepping stone. I know you will never love me.
because time is everything we do and do not have, i wont be wasteful with right now. i wont over think it, i wont fight it. i will instead mean it and i will water it. i will call you panda and you will call me mouse. we will get dressed up and go to dinner. we will hold hands at the zoo. we will make up drinking games on lazy sundays and wrestle naked. we will replicate the shit out of love, with no thought of forever. we will care and lust and like. but never love.
you will remember me as your favorite pen. the one you reached for when turning your words into drawings. i will remember you as my bookmark. the one that kept my place when all i'd ever sorted through was inconsistency.
someday i won't think of you when i see whiskey stones. and someday you'll forget i picked out your couch.
that's not to say it won't hurt like hell to unlearn you. but that's not to say we ever loved.
someday i won't think of you when i see whiskey stones. and someday you'll forget i picked out your couch.
that's not to say it won't hurt like hell to unlearn you. but that's not to say we ever loved.
Friday, April 12, 2013
mind your own leggings.
Today, a beloved coworker of mine pulled me into her office. This made me nervous, there were a few different avenues this conversation could lead me down but i knew it wasn't the fun loving nature she and I usually share.
I shut the door and sat down.
"I'm only telling you this because someone once told me this...." she started. "I think your leggings are too sexy".
The highlights of this conversation are as follows. I was told men look at me in the office. And I was described having a full body.
This conversation hilariously and ironically comes at a time where middle and highschools around the US are banning leggings and yoga pants for young girls because they are distracting young boys. And that folks, is how you teach a 12 year old that she carries responsibility for young boys not being taught how to respect a classmate. It inculcates the idea that young boys, or men as a whole have no self control, it excuses them, they just can't help themselves-so women must play some mental gymnastic game on how not to be victimized. And then if you are a victim, you are blamed.
Back inside my co-workers office. I sat, I listened and I didn't say a word. When she was done speaking, I nodded my head and went back to my desk.
I just wonder if it ever crossed her mind to pull the men who she says look at me into her office. Have a closed room discussion and put the spotlight on them and their wandering eyes. Tell them it doesn't matter if i'm wearing leggings or a brown paper bag, respect is a minimum. Not just because we are co-workers and sharing this space for 40 fucking hours a week, but because i'm human. What if she asked these men with wives and daughters how they would feel is someone looked at them the way they do at me.
I'm quite sure that conversation never crossed her mind. Because nobody had THAT conversation with her.
There are obvious other issues here. I won't go into the full bodied bullshit. Or the fact that this co-worker is someone who i've come to on many occassions about being harrassed by our shuttle bus driver. I just think there needs to be a mindshift switch when it comes to responsibility and expectations and teaching and learning-to gender issues specifically yes, but just in humanity.
And with that I say, have a good weekend. And mind your own damn leggings.
I shut the door and sat down.
"I'm only telling you this because someone once told me this...." she started. "I think your leggings are too sexy".
The highlights of this conversation are as follows. I was told men look at me in the office. And I was described having a full body.
This conversation hilariously and ironically comes at a time where middle and highschools around the US are banning leggings and yoga pants for young girls because they are distracting young boys. And that folks, is how you teach a 12 year old that she carries responsibility for young boys not being taught how to respect a classmate. It inculcates the idea that young boys, or men as a whole have no self control, it excuses them, they just can't help themselves-so women must play some mental gymnastic game on how not to be victimized. And then if you are a victim, you are blamed.
Back inside my co-workers office. I sat, I listened and I didn't say a word. When she was done speaking, I nodded my head and went back to my desk.
I just wonder if it ever crossed her mind to pull the men who she says look at me into her office. Have a closed room discussion and put the spotlight on them and their wandering eyes. Tell them it doesn't matter if i'm wearing leggings or a brown paper bag, respect is a minimum. Not just because we are co-workers and sharing this space for 40 fucking hours a week, but because i'm human. What if she asked these men with wives and daughters how they would feel is someone looked at them the way they do at me.
I'm quite sure that conversation never crossed her mind. Because nobody had THAT conversation with her.
There are obvious other issues here. I won't go into the full bodied bullshit. Or the fact that this co-worker is someone who i've come to on many occassions about being harrassed by our shuttle bus driver. I just think there needs to be a mindshift switch when it comes to responsibility and expectations and teaching and learning-to gender issues specifically yes, but just in humanity.
And with that I say, have a good weekend. And mind your own damn leggings.
Friday, March 15, 2013
16 Rand
Somewhere on Main Road in Cape Town, South Africa
There is a man
He is Cadbury’s milk chocolate
He is a free mint when leaving a restaurant
He is a hand shake turned hug
He missing his over sized wooden rosary
He has never missed God
He is the light through stained glass windows
He is a 2 dollar bill- to him only 16 rand, but to me
A treasure slipped in every Christmas card from my
grandparents
He is a gift
He is a boundary hugger
He is an oxymoron
He is an isosceles triangle
He is I before E except after C
He was mine
And we were easy somewhere on Main Road in Cape Town, South
Africa
Where our first and third world fingers met
As post apartheid's freedom song
Friday, March 8, 2013
guilt
when i do things like this...when i try to walk before i can crawl. when i crumple rationality and put it with all my old reciepts. when i expect different out comes from worn down actions. when all that's left is "i'm sorry" and an hour glass. when i do things like this...i want to be invisible. i want to translate all of the knots in my stomach to french, just to make my guilt sound beautiful. i could skip bags and bags of rocks into the Pacific. then maybe i'll feel less heavy. then maybe i can see the gift of goodbyes.
Friday, February 22, 2013
show up
i'm willing to give you the most crucial piece of my pride's Jenga tower
but you have to pick up a mirror
and get your lips off my backbone
i'm willing to build you into my patterns
as long as you admit i'm your stepping stone
and still hold me in your strong flower arms
i am willing to take the helmet off my pledge organ
if you share your pistachios and red wine
your instincts and dust bunnies
i am willing to show you every laugh line and suicidal tear
but you have to make room for me in your mirror
and kiss my backbone
i am willing to be
but you have to show up
but you have to pick up a mirror
and get your lips off my backbone
i'm willing to build you into my patterns
as long as you admit i'm your stepping stone
and still hold me in your strong flower arms
i am willing to take the helmet off my pledge organ
if you share your pistachios and red wine
your instincts and dust bunnies
i am willing to show you every laugh line and suicidal tear
but you have to make room for me in your mirror
and kiss my backbone
i am willing to be
but you have to show up
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)